I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
