Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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