Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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