Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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