the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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