Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Randomize
