Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
