we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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