People in love make me want to vomit
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
