I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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