you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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