I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
