dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
