and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So here I am, sexting at work.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
