It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we're making bets on your personal life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
