I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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