i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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