Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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