I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
