not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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