if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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