Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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