ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
