oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
