piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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