if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
