Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
