Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
