my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
