I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
