Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
