I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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