wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
