You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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