Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hippo gnu deer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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