How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize