I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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