I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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