I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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