my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
