you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
