he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
