Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
