Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
