i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize