Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
