If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
