so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
