I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
