Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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