i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
