Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
