So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
