Duck Duck Cougar?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
last night I used snow as a chaser
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
