Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
