I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
