thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
