Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
