Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
