i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
wow bdsm is so cute
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
