he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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