Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
