I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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