Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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