I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
