My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
