Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
birth control should be required to get into college
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
