South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
