She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
