how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
