He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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