For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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