My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I look better un-naked...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
