Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize