please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
