I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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