Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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