between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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